Now You Can Be Just Like Me

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Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
10:42 pm - Nothing Changes on New Years Day...
The birthday party was nice.


Bobby showed up. Friendly person, with admirable loyalty. A bit on the talkative side though. Which is tolerable. Then the old gang from high school showed up. Catching up on old times, bitching about the people we hate and makeing fake threats, drinking and video games. Good times. Just like the good old days. Then they left to go fetch some stuff, leaving me alone for a few mins. Then Brian and Val showed up for a bit, then bigbrother and Alostrael popped by for a few. They managed to get me a copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintaince, a nice defiled copy of the good book, a Bjork DVD single, a MM video classic, and a nice CD... THANKS! It good to give gifts, see the reaction on peoples faces and see if they enjoy them, but its still even better to recieve a gift (no, not in the selfish way, more like in the way that you know that people appreciate you enough to go out of their way to surprise you). Then Josh and Grant from the HS troop returned, Josh gave me a bottle of vodka for my bday, and I loaded everyone up on music book and game loans, then retreated to bed about 5-ish.

Waking up the next morning, I was tired... Plus there was that anxiety of not knowing how to fill your day... I decided to browse the southside flea market, where everything is either bootlegged or stolen (if the RIAA is pissed at online pircay, their heads would EXPLODE if they took a trip to a sleezy flea market sometime). Didnt find anything there, so I went down to target and bought myself an awesome groovy-looking CD rack. Didnt quite need one yet, but it looked so damned cool! Then off to the geek shop for my regular books, included the new Sandman book. Still looking forward to reading it (Ive got so many books on my shelf to read...)

It was about that time that the partying was begining to take its toll on me. I started feeling the early symptoms of a flu: The muscle aches, the sensitivity to light and sound, the fatigue, etc. Started to freak me out, since last winter I somewhat developed something of an aversion to sickness. Its not fun. But I still had to visit my mother for a birthday dinner. Cooked Turkey and potatoes (which is one of the meals I more enjoy)... Over there I ended up getting cloathing from my grandmother (predictable yes, but I needed it), a best buy gift card from my sister (which I used to purchess rated r from Queens of the Stoneage, the new Perfect Circle, and the Miss Kittin album), and well, surprisingly enough, the new David Bowie from my mother as well as a Kansas history book. Mother has never been appreciative of my music tastes, but then again, she may be something of a David Bowie fan as well... What was that term to define the cold war in the 70s... Dentente wasnt it?

As soon as I got home, I hit the bed at about 7. Still kinda feel bad about that... after all, i did have to tape adult swim... but then again, Id rather miss one week of what will be reran later than suffer a day at work with sickness. 15 hours later and I was considerably better.

Yes, the Cruxshadows played here. Yes, it was great, despite everything. Isnt it funny how only 3 people can have the potental of making a good night feel bad? JUST 3 PEOPLE. The good may outnumber the bad, but the bad always seem to outweigh the good. It was great, finaly seeing more people than the over 21 crowd out. Fate was good, and Razorwire Halo (http://www.razorwirehalo.com) definitly stole the show. Then the po-leece came to bust it up. Apparantly, my friend Joe in an act of no-brainess (lol... weed probably got the good parts) yelled the classic battlecry of 'fuck the police'. Right cry, wrong time. Ended up getting him a citation. And they decided that he was drinking underage (when they didnt bother to take a breathalizer or any other test) so they decided to throw all the kids out and fine the owners. That'll teach them dirty pricks to go out and produce something good in this city :-/

Cruxshadows were great too. You gotta love a band that will take the time to go out and mingle with the crowd, assimilate themselves into you, like being a part of the party and scene whereever they go. Not my favorite band, true, but definitly up there in the top 30 or so.

Despite all the challenges, all the outward attempts to make me unwelcome in my own ciy, I had fun. And dont worry, I will still be making regular appearances in the city. Just you wait and see.

Its another new year for me. 22. Nothing to look forward to except getting older. I remember I would often pass a business sign which would say "2003 will be better" In some ways it was, in some ways it was not. But ultimatly, that is all we can tell ourselves to help us keep on going.

"We must go on, though we bleed..."

And I will be with you, every step of the way, for good or bad...

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current music: Frontline Assembly- New Year's Day

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Saturday, September 27th, 2003
8:10 pm - Its the Most Wonderful Time of The Year...
Summer is dead. Fall is here.


I always loved the fall. Fall and spring, when nature was the most colorful. Sure, the colors were there in the summer, but it was just too damned hot to enjoy them. The fall, the trees are on fire, the nights are cool, and you can actualy HEAR the night.

Oh, and of course the holidays. Aside from my birthday, there was also halloween and thanksgiving. Great times to look forward to seeing people, having fun, and getting free stuff.


And so many great things have happened in the fall. I met Camilla in the fall. I met Tracy in the fall. I met Ashley in the fall. I started my 2nd job at the public library in the fall. I started school in the fall. Among other things...

Fall is a break in between the extremes of summer and winter. Giving you just enough time to be able to comfortable go outside, take walks, open the windows and let out the stale air, and enjoy life.

No matter how horrible it, or the people who occupy it, may seem.

What makes this fall extra special this year is that it will be the first time I have my own place on halloween, which means I get to hand out candy to the kiddies this year. For some strange reason, I always wanted to do that :)

Tomarrow I will be 22. I remember last year I was so excited to be 21. Now I know that it was all hype, not really that worth it.

Well... ALMOST not worth it...

"They only like you when you're 17
When you're 21, or no fun
They take a polaroid and let you go
So they'll let you know, so come on"

The party is about to begin, so I am off

"Last year I was 21
I didnt have alot of fun
Now Im going to be 22
Oh my, oh boo hoo

Now Im going to be 22
Im not going to have alot to do"

current music: Ministry- Everyday is Halloween

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Thursday, September 25th, 2003
11:14 pm - If you wanna live in bumtown, You gotta know how to get down
Want to know how to make it big in the big little city?

Follow these steps.

1. Never take a stand for what is right, unless that stand is against something a good hundred miles away in Washington. No NIMBYs here damnit.

2. Always smile on the outside, give the fake kisses on each cheek, and pretend you like your fellow person. All the while on the inside, stick out your tounge, give them the finger, and hate for the most insignificant reasons.

3. Thou shalt have no gods before___

4. Honesty is the worst policy

5. Any criticism will be seen as an insult, and treated accordingly.

6. "There's room at the top and Im telling you still, 1st you must learn how to smile as you kill."

7. If you are too willfull to be a bitch, then there is no room for you here. You are of no use to anyone.

8. Words speak louder than actions. Talk the talk, but dont you DARE walk the walk.

9. If you have an opinion that is different than what is decided to be the majority, dont you EVER let it out of your head. Go somewhere else for that garbage.

10. Shoot first, but dont bother asking questions later. Strictly prohibited.

11. Communication is prohibited as well. Do not speak unless spoken to by a superior


Did I forget anything?

This is not sarcasm. This is satire. Ooops... there I go, violating the most sacred rule of Wichita...

THAT being sarcastic.

Now Im a mass murderer. Who knew that people were so frightened and threatened by thoughts and opinions?

Or truth for that matter. But hey, truth hurts. Thats why we hate it so much, especialy when it is unflattering...

rule 5: Any criticism will be seen as an insult, and treated accordingly.


Its a tough job being me. But someone has to do it. But at least Im being me, and being someone else... Which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for the rest of you...

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current music: Public Enemy- Hitler Day

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Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
9:30 pm - Declairation of War
From Winston Churchill- c.1940

When, a week ago today, I asked the House to fix this afternoon as the occasion for a statement, I feared it would be my hard lot to announce the greatest military disaster in our long history. I thought-and some good judges agreed with me-that perhaps 20,000 or 30,000 men might be re-embarked. But it certainly seemed that the whole of the French First Army and the whole of the British Expeditionary Force north of the Amiens-Abbeville gap would be broken up in the open field or else would have to capitulate for lack of food and ammunition. These were the hard and heavy tidings for which I called upon the House and the nation to prepare themselves a week ago. The whole root and core and brain of the British Army, on which and around which we were to build, and are to build, the great British Armies in the later years of the war, seemed about to perish upon the field or to be led into an ignominious and starving captivity.

That was the prospect a week ago. But another blow which might well have proved final was yet to fall upon us. The King of the Belgians had called upon us to come to his aid. Had not this Ruler and his Government severed themselves from the Allies, who rescued their country from extinction in the late war, and had they not sought refuge in what was proved to be a fatal neutrality, the French and British Armies might well at the outset have saved not only Belgium but perhaps even Poland. Yet at the last moment, when Belgium was already invaded, King Leopold called upon us to come to his aid, and even at the last moment we came. He and his brave, efficient Army, nearly half a million strong, guarded our left flank and thus kept open our only line of retreat to the sea. Suddenly, without prior consultation, with the least possible notice, without the advice of his Ministers and upon his own personal act, he sent a plenipotentiary to the German Command, surrendered his Army, and exposed our whole flank and means of retreat.

I asked the House a week ago to suspend its judgment because the facts were not clear, but I do not feel that any reason now exists why we should not form our own opinions upon this pitiful episode. The surrender of the Belgian Army compelled the British at the shortest notice to cover a flank to the sea more than 30 miles in length. Otherwise all would have been cut off, and all would have shared the fate to which King Leopold had condemned the finest Army his country had ever formed. So in doing this and in exposing this flank, as anyone who followed the operations on the map will see, contact was lost between the British and two out of the three corps forming the First French Army, who were still farther from the coast than we were, and it seemed impossible that any large number of Allied troops could reach the coast.

The enemy attacked on all sides with great strength and fierceness, and their main power, the power of their far more numerous Air Force, was thrown into the battle or else concentrated upon Dunkirk and the beaches. Pressing in upon the narrow exit, both from the east and from the west, the enemy began to fire with cannon upon the beaches by which alone the shipping could approach or depart. They sowed magnetic mines in the channels and seas; they sent repeated waves of hostile aircraft, sometimes more than a hundred strong in one formation, to cast their bombs upon the single pier that remained, and upon the sand dunes upon which the troops had their eyes for shelter.... For four or five days an intense struggle reigned. All their armored divisions-or what Was left of them-together with great masses of infantry and artillery, hurled themselves in vain upon the ever-narrowing, ever-contracting appendix within which the British and French Armies fought.

... Nor were the seas, as I have said, themselves free from mines and torpedoes. It was in conditions such as these that our men carried on, with little or no rest, for days and nights on end, making trip after trip across the dangerous waters, bringing with them always men whom they had rescued. The numbers they have brought back are the measure of their devotion and their courage. The hospital ships, which brought off many thousands of British and French wounded, being so plainly marked were a special target for Nazi bombs; but the men and women on board them never faltered in their duty.

Meanwhile, the Royal Air Force, which had already been intervening in the battle, so far as its range would allow, from home bases, now used part of its main metropolitan fighter strength, and struck at the German bombers and at the fighters which in large numbers protected them. This struggle was protracted and fierce. Suddenly the scene has cleared, the crash and thunder has for the moment-but only for the moment-died away. A miracle of deliverance, achieved by valor, by perseverance, by perfect discipline, by faultless service, by resource, by skill, by unconquerable fidelity, is manifest to us all. The enemy was hurled back by the retreating British and French troops. He was so roughly handled that he did not hurry their departure seriously. The Royal Air Force engaged the main strength of the German Air Force, and inflicted upon them losses of at least four to one; and the Navy, using nearly 1,000 ships of all kinds, carried over 335,000 men, French and British, out of the jaws of death and shame, to their native land and to the tasks which lie immediately ahead. We must be very careful not to assign to this deliverance the attributes of a victory. Wars are not won by evacuations. But there was a victory inside this deliverance, which should be noted. It was gained by the Air Force. Many of our soldiers coming back have not seen the Air Force at work; they saw only the bombers which escaped its protective attack. They underrate its achievements. I have heard much talk of this; that is why I go out of my way to say this. I will tell you about it.

This was a great trial of strength between the British and German Air Forces. Can you conceive a greater objective for the Germans in the air than to make evacuation from these beaches impossible, and to sink all these ships which were displayed, almost to the extent of thousands? Could there have been an objective of greater military importance and significance for the whole purpose of the war than this? They tried hard, and they were beaten back; they were frustrated in their task. We got the Army away; and they have paid fourfold for any losses which they have inflicted. Very large formations of German aeroplanes-and we know that they are a very brave race-have turned on several occasions from the attack of one-quarter of their number of the Royal Air Force, and have dispersed in different directions. Twelve aeroplanes have been hunted by two. One aeroplane was driven into the water and cast away by the mere charge of a British aeroplane, which had no more ammunition. All of our types-the Hurricane, the Spitfire and the new Defiant-and all our pilots have been vindicated as superior to what they have at present to face.

When we consider how much greater would be our advantage in defending the air above this Island against an overseas attack, I must say that I find in these facts a sure basis upon which practical and reassuring thoughts may rest. I will pay my tribute to these young airmen. The great French Army was very largely, for the time being, cast back and disturbed by the onrush of a few thousands of armored vehicles. May it not also be that the cause of civilization itself will be defended by the skill and devotion of a few thousand airmen? There never has been, I suppose, in all the world, in all the history of war, such an opportunity for youth. The Knights of the Round Table, the Crusaders, all fall back into the past-not only distant but prosaic; these young men, going forth every morn to guard their native land and all that we stand for, holding in their hands these instruments of colossal and shattering power, of whom it may be said that every morn brought forth a noble chance and every chance brought forth a noble knight, deserve our gratitude, as do all the brave men who, in so many ways and on so many occasions, are ready, and continue ready to give life and all for their native land.

I return to the Army. In the long series of very fierce battles, now on this front, now on that, fighting on three fronts at once, battles fought by two or three divisions against an equal or somewhat larger number of the enemy, and fought fiercely on some of the old grounds that so many of us knew so well-in these battles our losses in men have exceeded 30,000 killed, wounded and missing. I take occasion to express the sympathy of the House to all who have suffered bereavement or who are still anxious.... But I will say this about the missing: We have had a large number of wounded come home safely to this country, but I would say about the missing that there may be very many reported missing who will come back home, some day, in one way or another. In the confusion of this fight it is inevitable that many have been left in positions where honor required no further resistance from them.

Against this loss of over 30,000 men, we can set a far heavier loss certainly inflicted upon the enemy. But our losses in material are enormous. We have perhaps lost one-third of the men we lost in the opening days of the battle of 21st March, 1918, but we have lost nearly as many guns -- nearly one thousand-and all our transport, all the armored vehicles that were with the Army in the north. This loss will impose a further delay on the expansion of our military strength. That expansion had not been proceeding as far as we had hoped. The best of all we had to give had gone to the British Expeditionary Force, and although they had not the numbers of tanks and some articles of equipment which were desirable, they were a very well and finely equipped Army. They had the first-fruits of all that our industry had to give, and that is gone. And now here is this further delay. How long it will be, how long it will last, depends upon the exertions which we make in this Island. An effort the like of which has never been seen in our records is now being made. Work is proceeding everywhere, night and day, Sundays and week days. Capital and Labor have cast aside their interests, rights, and customs and put them into the common stock. Already the flow of munitions has leaped forward. There is no reason why we should not in a few months overtake the sudden and serious loss that has come upon us, without retarding the development of our general program.

Nevertheless, our thankfulness at the escape of our Army and so many men, whose loved ones have passed through an agonizing week, must not blind us to the fact that what has happened in France and Belgium is a colossal military disaster. The French Army has been weakened, the Belgian Army has been lost, a large part of those fortified lines upon which so much faith had been reposed is gone, many valuable mining districts and factories have passed into the enemy's possession, the whole of the Channel ports are in his hands, with all the tragic consequences that follow from that, and we must expect another blow to be struck almost immediately at us or at France. We are told that Herr Hitler has a plan for invading the British Isles. This has often been thought of before. When Napoleon lay at Boulogne for a year with his flat-bottomed boats and his Grand Army, he was told by someone. "There are bitter weeds in England." There are certainly a great many more of them since the British Expeditionary Force returned.

The whole question of home defense against invasion is, of course, powerfully affected by the fact that we have for the time being in this Island incomparably more powerful military forces than we have ever had at any moment in this war or the last. But this will not continue. We shall not be content with a defensive war. We have our duty to our Ally. We have to reconstitute and build up the British Expeditionary Force once again, under its gallant Commander-in-Chief, Lord Gort. All this is in train; but in the interval we must put our defenses in this Island into such a high state of organization that the fewest possible numbers will be required to give effective security and that the largest possible potential of offensive effort may be realized. On this we are now engaged. It will be very convenient, if it be the desire of the House, to enter upon this subject in a secret Session. Not that the government would necessarily be able to reveal in very great detail military secrets, but we like to have our discussions free, without the restraint imposed by the fact that they will be read the next day by the enemy; and the Government would benefit by views freely expressed in all parts of the House by Members with their knowledge of so many different parts of the country. I understand that some request is to be made upon this subject, which will be readily acceded to by His Majesty's Government.

We have found it necessary to take measures of increasing stringency, not only against enemy aliens and suspicious characters of other nationalities, but also against British subjects who may become a danger or a nuisance should the war be transported to the United Kingdom. I know there are a great many people affected by the orders which we have made who are the passionate enemies of Nazi Germany. I am very sorry for them, but we cannot, at the present time and under the present stress, draw all the distinctions which we should like to do. If parachute landings were attempted and fierce fighting attendant upon them followed, these unfortunate people would be far better out of the way, for their own sakes as well as for ours. There is, however, another class, for which I feel not the slightest sympathy. Parliament has given us the powers to put down Fifth Column activities with a strong hand, and we shall use those powers subject to the supervision and correction of the House, without the slightest hesitation until we are satisfied, and more than satisfied, that this malignancy in our midst has been effectively stamped out.

Turning once again, and this time more generally, to the question of invasion, I would observe that there has never been a period in all these long centuries of which we boast when an absolute guarantee against invasion, still less against serious raids, could have been given to our people. In the days of Napoleon the same wind which would have carried his transports across the Channel might have driven away the blockading fleet. There was always the chance, and it is that chance which has excited and befooled the imaginations of many Continental tyrants. Many are the tales that are told. We are assured that novel methods will be adopted, and when we see the originality of malice, the ingenuity of aggression, which our enemy displays, we may certainly prepare ourselves for every kind of novel stratagem and every kind of brutal and treacherous maneuver. I think that no idea is so outlandish that it should not be considered and viewed with a searching, but at the same time, I hope, with a steady eye. We must never forget the solid assurances of sea power and those which belong to air power if it can be locally exercised.

I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our Island home, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of tyranny, if necessary for years, if necessary alone. At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do. That is the resolve of His Majesty's Government-every man of them. That is the will of Parliament and the nation. The British Empire and the French Republic, linked together in their cause and in their need, will defend to the death their native soil, aiding each other like good comrades to the utmost of their strength. Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Gestapo and all the odious apparatus of Nazi rule, we shall not flag or fail.

We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old."

Oh yes, and my birthday is approaching. Buy me something at Amazon

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current music: Laibach- NATO

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Friday, September 12th, 2003
10:10 pm - Resting my bones for Johnny Cash, 'Cause for Me and Mine he's wearing black...
Forget the 911 conspiracies... there have been too many dead celebrities this year...

Lets see, who have we got so far...

Johnny Cash
June Carter- very romantic

John Ritter- Died before his time

Idi Amin- The only uncovicted tyrant-cannible

Strom Thurmond- FINALY

Leni Rheinstenfhal (sp?)- She aint got nuttn to apologize for! (seriously)

Bob Hope- "Bob is our jesus. christ is our hope. jesus christ is our bob hope." jesus christ is dead. RIP

Joe Conklin- a kooky local celebrity, known for his lovable cornball jokes in his car ads

Charles Bronson

Ol' Mike- The guy who brought real country to the radio

Gregory Peck- The *real* old hickory

Kathryn Hepburn- Rally Dahling

Im sure there's more... just cant remember them all...
And there will be more to come Im sure. Seems to be the year for dieing. Looks like some relatives are next...


Dad and I never really saw eye to eye on music, but Johnny Cash was one of those things that bridged the generation gap. Honest, real country folk music as opposed to the watered down pop country.

Lol... for the longest time, Nine Inch Nails was praticaly the only band he specificaly forbade me from listening to (half jokingly though)... he praticaly shit a brick when I told him about the cover on the last Cash album (half jokingly of course)

A full life with good closure... Its almost romantic, him joining his beloved wife so soon after her own death..

As for Ritter... THAT came as a shock... he seemed so young and healthy... Who knew that Don Knotts would outlive him? Johnny Cash's death was enough to grab my attention this morning, but Ritter's is what slapped me in the face... two deaths in one day, one expected, one not...

I always know him better for his roles in Stay Tuned and Problem Child...

Its the changing of the times. One left us at his time. The other left us too soon...

Work is pissing me off. I needed time off for a family reunion, so I submitted my request about 3 weeks ago. Not only do they not give it to me, they bitch me out for asking for it. Mostly because I had to call in last week because my car was broken into. CD gone, and rear window shattered. But on the plus side, they left my CDs, and they took the player with the least amount of collateral damage possible. A real professional job. I did have to take the day off to have the damage appraised, and find the replacements. By the time I found a window, all the glass shops were closed. They all close at 6:00, and I dont get off work until 6:30. And they wont even give me an hour to get it fixed. And once again, they bitch me out for asking... grrr.... At least the pay is good. But from what it looks like, Im going to get my schedule shuffled around *again*- sticking me with a different supervisor, and a different schedule.

That's All for Now Folks...

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current music: Johnny Cash- We'll Meet Again...

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Thursday, September 11th, 2003
9:24 pm - Mars on the River Drina
Happy September the 11th day...

What did you get? I didnt even get a card...

Getting rid of some obligatory political thoughts for the day...

I hate the israelies. The mother of all hypocrites. What they do to the palestinians is no differant than, say, oh, I dont know, what the germans did to poland in the 1930s? But no one dares critisizes them, heavens no. Not if they dont want to be called anti-semitic nazis...

But anyway, my plan for the resolution of the Israil-Palestine issue:

*Cut off ALL aid from the US to Israel
*Invade and Occupy Israel and Palestinian territories
*Divide Jerusalem much like cold war Berlin- Establish Islamic, Jewish, and Christian sectors with their own puppet administrations, answerable to the occupying force. Build a wall if necessary.
*Grant full citizenship and amnesty for all persons, israli or palentinian, on territorial soil
*Israel will be divided equaly on the parelell running through Jerusalem diving north and south. North will be Israel territory, and South will be palestinian
OR: The parliments of Israel and Palestine will be combined into one. The state will then be known as Israli-Palestine or Palestinian-Israel. Political parties can be divided into either Palastian party or Israel party with a bi-chamberial legislature similar to the United States
*Government will have absolute abstinance from religious affairs
*Establish non-aggression pacts with all surrounding neighbors as well as reopen relations
*Actualy talk to nations before accusing them of sponsering terrorism

And as far as Iraq
*Grant full autonomity to Iraqi government and offer to stay as an invitational assistance in maintaining peace
*Nationalize the oil industry, but supervised by a board of trustees
*The US will have full rights and sovernigty to their choosing of maintaining military bases on Iraqi soil
*The US will have rights to maintain ambassadors in Iraqi cabinits on a purely adviory/pursuading nature with no decision making/voting rights
*Recall President Bush


Ok, on to personal things...

Isnt it odd, how people who are most vocal in protesting their government are rather passive or neutral when it comes to matters more close to home, involving injustices inflicted upon people they actualy know? I think its just easier to challenge several tyrants miles away, than it is to challenge a few in their backyard...

No one tells me anything anymore... Just found out about a party I should have been invitied to... It was a housewarming party for a good friend. But naturaly, no one told me about it... Guess Im now the official archvillian in this city. The new commandment of wichita: Thou shalt have no gods before ____... eh, I think Ill leave that empty for now... like I need to...


The RIAA is the real theif, not the downloaders. Musicians charge 100.00 for concert tickets, 50.00 for T-Shirts, and 20.00 for poor CDs. And they're upset about people listening to music for free. Oh dear. Soon, the RIAA will sue libraries, for loaning out CDs for free. Then, they'll sue anyone who even overhears a song that wasnt paid for, rendering the radio illegal. Then, all sounds will be copywrighted, then all forms of communication and art, included visual. No one will have permisison to experiance without paying.

*this of course is a satirical hyperbole. things of course are not going to get this bad... at least I hope not...*

But the RIAA are still evil. Yeah, sue a 12 year old girl for $2000.00. That'll show them dirty pirates. I thought piracy was making a profit off of copied material? Maybe they dont realize that the reason why record prices are falling is because that people are listening to music before they buy it, realize that it stinks, then refuse to pay an outragous price for a steaming CD of crap. If anything, free downloads HELP the music industry by raising the bar on quality, increasing competition for prices, CD bonus features, and of course, quality of music. But anyway, there are still pleanty of ways to stick it to the RIAA through "legal" means and still get your music. Here are a few:


*Only buy music from second-hand or independant dealiers, such as used shops, eBay, Half.Com, etc. Thats what I do anyway. Not only will it save you money (alot cheaper than paying 20.00 for a new album, but its also one less dollar the RIAA will not get.

*Libraries. Got a library card? most public libraries have collections of music you can check out for free, listen to, burn a copy, then return it for others (important... dont go stealing the good stuff and ruin it for everyone...)

*Friends- Still the best way... let your friends borrow and burn... they cant trace that!

Anyway, I think Im finished. Until next time kiddies...

Archvillian Dustin Prewitt I
Supreme Pontiff of the 3rd regime of greater Wichita


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current music: PJ Harvey- My Beautiful Luna

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Saturday, September 6th, 2003
7:34 pm - And for you Live Journal people who feel like they have something to say to me...
http://www.livejournal.com/users/deathstar461

Dont worry kids, Im not going anywhere. I will continue to cross post.

Now bugger off



-D

current music: Craig Armstrong

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Saturday, August 23rd, 2003
12:09 am - Sing the Death Song Kids...
Tomarrow is the day in ancient greek traditions that is dedicated to Nemesis, the god of justice and revenge...


Dre Day
Mr. Busta
Where the fuck you at?
Can't scrap a limp
So I know you got your gat
Your dick on hard for fucking your own dogs
The hoods you threw up wit, Niggas you grew up wit
Don't even respect yo ass
Now it's time for the doctor to check you ass niggah
Used to be my hommie, used to be my ace
Now I wanna slap tha taste out yo mouth
Niggahs to the back to the row
Fuckin me, now Im fuckin you ya little ho
Oh, dont think I forgot, let it slide
let it ride, just anotha homicide..
You pass me and I dont even stop on
Stompin on the easiest streets you can walk on
So strap on yo compton hats
and watch your backs cause yo bound to me smoked, yo
And pass the bud, but stay low key
Big gyp cause you lost all yo hommies love
Now call it what you want to
You fuck with me, now its a must that I fuck with you.
Easy V can suck a big fat dick
Easy E can suck a big fat dick
Dave C can suck a big fat Dick...

King Kill 33
Is this what you wanted?
This is what you get
Turned all your lives into this shit
You never respected, or treated me fair
Blamed me for what I believe and I wear
Ive fucked you lies and your lazy sheep
Youve sown the seeds that you shall reap
You never gave me a chance to be me
Or even a fucking chance just to be
But Ive got to show you that you played a role
And I will show you with one simple hole
This world that hates me has taken its toll
but now finaly I take control
You wanted so much to make me this thing
Now all I want to do is just kill the king

I am not sorry, I am not sorry
This is what you deserve
I am not sorry, I am not sorry
This is what you deserve

King Kill 33
King Kill 33

Karma Police
Karma Police, arrest this man
He talks in math, he buzzes like a daydream radio
Karma Police
Arrest this girl her hitler hairdo is making me feel ill and we have crashed her party
This is what you get
This is what you get
This is what you get when you mess with us
Karma Police
Ive given all I can its not enough
Ive given all I can but we're still on the payroll
This is what you get...

Reload
You've got something to say?
You better jump in my face

You got something to hide?
You better shit it this time

You say its time to collect
Ill kick your asses in check

Say its time to settle the score
Ill throw your ass out the door

You wanna lie like a dog, You'll wake up with fleas
And in this world full of shit, you're still an asshole to me

Senior Burns
Burns Wont Last Long
With an Insulting Song
Burns will always carry within him
So I settle my score
On the salsa floor
With this vengeful latin rhythim
Burns
Donde Esta Yo Perro
Burns
El Diablo Por Denero
It may not surprise you
But all of us despise you
Please die
And Fry
In Hell you rot
Rich or Wretch?

You and Whose Army?
Come on, come on
You think you drive me crazy
Come on, come on
You and whose army?
You and your cronies
Come on, come on
Holy Roman empire
Come on if you think
Come on if you think
You can take us on
You can take us on

You and whose army?
You and your cronies

You forget so easy
We ride tonight
Ghost Horses


Skurk
I dont need your contradictions
Im not gonna play that role
I dont need you telling me Ive got my back against the wall
If all Ive got is everything
And everything is all you want
If I give you just a little bit youre gonna try and take it all

I feed my anger with the fucking bullshit that you preach
I bleed forever and nothing you can do will comfort me

Obey authority
live in conformity
I do for you what you do for me

I dont fear the confrontation
Im not afraid to take the fall
Im not gonna step aside and let you make the call
If all Ive got is everything
And everything is all you want
If I give you just a little bit youre gonna try and take it all...

Starfuckers
My god sits in the back of a limousine
My god comes in a wrapper of cellophane
My god pouts on the cover of a magazine
My god's a shallow little bitch trying to make the scene
I have arrived and this time you should believe the hype
Ive listened to everyone and I know that Everyone was right
Ill be there for you as long as it works for me
I play a game, its called insincereity
Starfuckers
Starfuckers Inc
I am every fucking thing and just a little more
I sold my soul dont you dare call me a whore
And when I suck you off not a drop will go to waste
Its really not so bad once you get past the taste
Asskisser
All our pain
How did we ever get by without you
Your so Vein
you probably think this song is about you

Dont you?
Dont you?
Dont You?
Dont you?
DONT YOU?

Slaughter of Elysium
We'll Build a New Tradition
THROW THE FUCKING CHRISTIANS TO THE LIONS!

current mood: Vendetta

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Thursday, August 14th, 2003
9:35 pm - The Rumours Are True...
Regime change begins at home...

This is the new shit!



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current music: Eels- Restraining Order Blues

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Monday, August 11th, 2003
2:47 am - The First Playlist
I have just returned from my first night of DJing, and it was GREAT.

Im a little too tired to go further into details at the moment, but since I know you are all so curious, here is the set list. Enjoy

*=Request

Warm Up:
Frontline Assembly- Immortal (from Live Wired)
Ministry- Happy Dust

The Act
1. Marilyn Manson/Madonna Wayne Gacy- The Hands of Small Children
2. Laibach Nova Akropola (from Occupied Europe 1985 live)
3. VNV Nation- Saviour
4. Spahn Ranch- The River (PJ Harvey cover)
5. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds featuring PJ Harvey- Henry Lee
*6. Metallica- One
7. Christian Death- Death Wish (wishful death mix by Birmingham 6)
8. Nirvana- I Hate Myself and I Want to Die
9. Nocturne- Happy Death
10. Garbage- Stupid Girl
11. Electric Hellfire Club- Hypochristian
12. Marilyn Manson- The Death Song
13. Spahn Ranch- Locusts
14. Rasputina- State Fair
15. Miranda Sex Garden- Peepshow
16. Dredg- Same Ol' Road
17. Sow- Jo the Lover
18. The Glove- Sex-Eye-Make-Up
19. Einsturzende Neubauten- Was Ist Ist
20. Elastica- Hold Me Now
21. Rob Zombie- How to Make A Monster (God Lives Underwater remix)
22. L7- Pretend we are Dead
23. Smashing Pumpkins- The Everlasting Gaze
*24. Aphex Twin- Come to Daddy
*25. Clint Mansell- Pi R squared
26. Marilyn Manson and the Spooky Kids- Thrift
27. Xorcist- Pretty
28. The Cure- Open
29. The Wake- Sideshow
30. Gene Loves Jezebel- Always a Flame (leaetherstrip mix)
31. Radiohead- Spinning Plates
32. Sisters of Mercy- Pocession
33. Ladytron- Seventeen
34. Babes in Toyland- Handsome Gretyle
35. Public Enemy vs. Anthrax- Bring the Noise
36. REM- Shiney Happy People
37. Atari Teenage Riot- Kids are United!!!
38. Laibach- God is God
39. Cradle of Filth- No Time to Cry (sisters of mercy cover)
40. Electric Hellfire Club- Killing an Arab (Cure Cover)
41. Revolting Cocks featuring Timothy Leary- Gila Copter
42. Meat Beat Manifesto- Genocide
*43. Lard- Can God Fill Teeth?
44. GWAR- Saddam A-Go-Go
45. Switchblade Symphony- Mine Eyes
46. Atari Teenage Riot- Deathstar
47. Marilyn Manson- vodEVIL
48. Marilyn Manson- The Food Pyramid
49. Harry Belefonte- Jump in the Line

Encore
The Creatures- Pluto Drive
*The Velvet Underground- Venus in Furs

current mood: satisfied
current music: This Mortal Coil- Kangaroo

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Sunday, August 10th, 2003
12:13 am - The Game is Set and the League is On...
I just got back from seeing the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. I must admit, I went in knowing that I would hate it. The movie, which most people will probably not know, was based on a GREAT comic series by Alan Moore (who also wrote the book that From Hell was based on) http://www.alanmoorefansite.com , so of course I was expecting Holy-wood to dumb it down a bit for the standard american audience. But the movie wasnt so bad. Sure, it wasnt like the book, nor was it really like the victorian novels the characters were based on...

But the trick to enjoying the movie is knowing the fact that the movie is not the graphic novel, nor the literature novels. When judged on its own merits, the movie was actualy quite good. Alot of character study, with enough plot twists, clever dialouge, and adequete acting to keep my interest, not to mention the standard special effects. But compared to the books, it doesnt quite measure. Which isnt so bad. They cant all be citizen kane...

When I saw the promos, like I said, I braced myself for the worse. Mina Harker has the sexy vampire to get the 15 year old psuedo goths interested. Sean Connery to add creditibility to the movie. And Tom Sawyer added, to make american folk give a damn. And a friggin 1920s car in 1899. Which of course somewhat makes sense... If Nemo could build a giant submarine, why shouldnt he be able to build a car? So that part is off the hook...

As for Tom Sawyer... I was expected a dumb american hick, which in some ways he was in the movie, but not to the point that it becames a distraction... yes it was forced, and yes it does seem odd that Sawyer would be a CIA agent... but then again, its not like 19th century American Literature is really filled with that many characters that could have been used instead (like, oh, say Paul Bunyan, Pecos Bill, Johnny Appleseed, Uncle Tom, Rip Van Winkle, Scarlet O'Hara, Hiawatha, Bartleby, the Cowardly Lion, etc etc), and while it was somewhat forced at times, It wasnt to the point of being overbearing

As for Mina Harker, yes the commercials did hype up her appearance, which was understandable. Advertiseing is advertising after all... There's nothing wrong with a little bait and switch. In fact, Mina is actualy the restrained proper Victorian lady in the film, with the exception of a few fight seens of course. But all in all, her character, with the exception of her vampirism, is actuly fairly accurate to the comic book's protrayal.

It was also interesting to see the protrayal of the bad guys of the bunch. While yes, the invisible man is a louse, and Mr. Hyde is a monster, neither one of them is all that bad. In fact, it was kinda cool to see Jeckyle and Hyde end up cooperating with each other, and even form some sort of mutual respect of each other. As for Dorian Grey, he is more like the Invisible Man from the comic version, being downright evil, cocky, arrogant, and very spiteful of the lesser humans. But even Dorian has his good side, and you do become somewhat sympathetic to his situation... But only a little...

But still... the explination as to where all the futurists technology that the villains use never does get explained, which was aggrivating...

But if you made this far down and just wanting a summery, here it is: The movie is definitly worth the time, just make sure you see it BEFORE reading the comic book...

And thats all for now... dont forget to participate in the Inferno game below... its been quite lately

And stay tuned... tomarrow I get to make my debut as a real DJ :)

current music: Rollins- Starve

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Sunday, July 27th, 2003
9:31 pm - Its Celebrity Inferno!!!!
Fun little thoughts that have been running in my head lately...

Who would be in the world of Dante's Inferno in modern times?

You can play too if you like. Just post who you think belongs and where... Or you can challenge a placement. The plantiff can be either fiction or non-fiction, living or dead. Basic rule is that a person does not have to necessarily deserve the punishment, or so much responsible for the action. The determining factor is guilt 1st, then responsibility. Hell, you can even have a sense of humour if you want.

If nothing else, this is a great opportunity to open up discussion and debate.

Here we go

The Vestibule: Opportunists and Neutrals- Condemend to spend eternity with chronic anxiety
  • Switzerland
  • James Buchanen
  • Jerry Springer
  • Dr. Jack Kevorkian
  • Machivelli
  • William Henry Harrison
  • Hirohito of Japan

    I- Limbo- The Unbaptised, Athiests and Virtuous Non-Catholics- Condemed to Depression or Pleasant Darkness

  • Ghandi
  • Benjamin Franklin
  • Thomas Jefferson
  • The Dali Llama
  • Edwin Rommel
  • Confucious
  • Frederick the Great of Prussia
  • Plato
  • Voltaire
  • Sitting Bull
  • Aristotle


    II- The Lustfull- condemned to be eternaly swept around by winds

  • Bill Clinton
  • Hugh Hefner
  • Cassanova
  • Dante
  • Bob Barker
  • Marquis DeSade
  • Wilt Chamberlin
  • Pee Wee Herman
  • Elizabeth Taylor
  • Lewis Carrol
  • JFK
  • Howard Stern
  • Catherine the Great of Russia

    III- The Gluttonous and Slothful- Condemned to live in raw sewage

  • Chris Farley
  • Boris Yeltzen
  • Sam Kinnison
  • Homer Simpson
  • Jared of Subway
  • Bender
  • Ozzy Osbourne
  • Pope Alexander VI
  • Frank Sinatra
  • Elvis Presley
  • The Greek Gods
  • Rasputin
  • Edward VII of England

    IV- Hoarders and Wasters- Comdemned to toil for eternity pushing boulders

  • Howard Hughes
  • Al Capone
  • John D Rockefeller
  • Ann Ryand
  • Ted Turner
  • Ebaneezer Scrooge
  • Gamblers
  • Ludwig II of Bavaria
  • Mozart
  • Mark Twain
  • Wilson Fisk
  • Marie Antoinette
  • John Gotti
  • Comic Book Geeks
  • Bill Gates
  • The Ferengi
  • Andrew Carnagie
  • Crazy Cat Ladies
  • MC Hammer

    V- The Wrathful and Sullen (Styx)- Condemned to exist as sludge/Swampwater

  • Trent Reznor
  • Batman
  • Henry Ford
  • Clara Bow
  • Edgar Allen Poe
  • Victor Von Doom
  • Anthony Comstock
  • Fyodor Dostoyevesky
  • Carrie Nation
  • Dustin Prewitt
  • Toby Kieth
  • George W. Bush
  • Vincent Van Gogh
  • Emennim
  • Ty Cobb

    VI- Heretics (The Burning City of Dis)- Condemned to be buried alive in flaming coffins

  • Nieztche
  • Anton LaVey
  • Alistair Crowley
  • John Milton
  • Joseph Smith
  • Most Non-Catholics
  • Galleio
  • George Carlin
  • Charles Darwin
  • John Calvin
  • Thomas Thorn
  • Gene Roddenberry

    VII- The Violent

  • i. Against others (murderers and war mongers)- Condemned to drown in rivers of boiling blood
  • Lyndon Johnson
  • Heinrich Himmler
  • Suge Knight
  • Otto Von Bismark of Prussia
  • Mary I of England
  • Hernando Cortez
  • Saddam Hussein and Sons
  • Pope Urban II
  • Isabella and Ferdinand of Castille
  • Napoleon of France
  • Charles Whitman
  • Ivan The Terrible
  • Harry Truman
  • Andrew Jackson
  • Vlad Tepes
  • Atilla the Hun
  • Dylan Kleibold
  • Caligula of the Roman Empire
  • Elizabeth Bathory
  • Idi Amin

  • ii. Against self (suicides, self destruction, drug addicts)- Condemned to be rooted in The Wood of Suicide
  • Kurt Cobain
  • Adolf Hitler
  • Courtney Love
  • Layne Staley
  • William Burroughs
  • Marilyn Monroe
  • Virginia Woolf
  • Janice Joplin
  • John Holmes
  • Rozz Williams
  • Iggy Pop
  • Sylvia Plath
  • Al Jourgenson
  • The Crow
  • Richard Pryor
  • Judy Garland
  • Lon Chaney Sr.
  • Sherlock Holmes
  • Bela Lugosi

    Against Art and Nature (Perverts and Blasphemers)- Condemned to wander The Burning Plains of Sand
  • Marilyn Manson
  • Ziggy Stardust
  • Jeffery Dahmer
  • John Wayne Gacey
  • Gwar
  • Ed Gein
  • Andrei Chikatilo
  • Larry Flynt
  • Joel Peter Witkin
  • Robert Mapplethorpe
  • The Sawney Beane Clan
  • GiGi Allin
  • Gilles DeRais
  • Edward II of England

    VIII. The Malebolge- Simple Fraud
    i and ii. Panderers, seducers, pimps, whores, users, and flatterers- Condemend to be herded by demons with flails
  • Chris Voorhees
  • Charles Manson
  • Kevin Smith
  • Ike Turner
  • Heidi Fliess
  • Hot Topic
  • Marvel Comics
  • Michael Jordan
  • Vanilla Ice
  • Kathy Lee Gifford
  • Jerry Brukheimer
  • Jean-Lake Brown
  • Tony Blair
  • Alexander Hamilton
  • Maury Povich
  • Jenny Jones
  • Operah Winfrey
  • Al Goldstein

    iii. Simoniacs (sellers and bribers of office)- Condemned to be burned alive in reverse baptismal fonts
  • Pope Innocent III
  • James Garfield
  • William Tweed
  • All Entertainment Executives
  • Lorne Michaels
  • Ross Perot
  • Michael Eisner

    iv. Diviners, Astrologers, and Magicians- condemned to walk in circles with their heads twisted backwards
  • John Edwards
  • Miss Cleo
  • Edward Casey
  • David Copperfield
  • Nostrodamus
  • Harry Houdini
  • Dr. Phil
  • Sigmund Freud
  • All Meterologists

    v. Grafters- Condemned to be fished from hot tar by demons with meathooks
  • Warren G. Harding
  • Ulysses S Grant
  • Martha Stewert
  • P.T. Barnum
  • The RIAA
  • Spammers
  • Evangelists and Missionaries
  • Manuel Noriega
  • Telemarketers
  • Infomercial Hosts
  • Pat Roberts
  • Porn Websites

    vi.Hypocrites- condemned to wear heavy, painful, beutiful robes
  • Ron Bryan
  • J Edgar Hoover
  • Moby
  • DW Griffin
  • The Nation of Israel
  • Cardnal Richelou
  • Jimmy Swaggart
  • Sasha Konitzko
  • Brittney Spears
  • Woodrow Wilson
  • The Disney Corporation
  • Spike Lee
  • Bob Dole
  • Rage Against the Machine
  • Jesse Jackson
  • Strom Thurmond
  • Henry Kissinger
  • The Republican Party
  • The Democratic Party

    vii. Thieves- condemned to constant shape-shifting
  • The IRS
  • Music Downloaders
  • Blackbeard
  • Jesse James
  • John of England
  • James Dalton
  • Poncho Villa
  • John Dillinger
  • The ATF

    viii and ix. Fraudlent Counselers and Sowers of Dischord (lawyers and propagandists)- condemned to be consumed in flames
  • Johnny Cochrin
  • John Ashcroft
  • William Jennings Bryan
  • Josef Pulitzer
  • William Randolf Hearst
  • David Duke
  • The American Family Association
  • Joseph McCarthy
  • Osama Bin Ladin
  • Rosie O'Donnell
  • Joseph Lieberman
  • Tipper Gore
  • Ann Coultier
  • Louis Farrakhan
  • Jerry Falwell
  • Jesse Helms
  • Benito Mussolini
  • Billy Graham
  • Martin Luthor
  • Fred Phelps
  • Thomas Paine
  • John Patrick Henery
  • Karl Marx
  • Tabloids

    x. Falsifiers of coin, word, and witness- condemned to have their innards Disembowled and strewn
  • The Bush Administration
  • Alchemists
  • The Donation of Constantine
  • Oliver North
  • Gary Condit
  • OJ Simpson
  • Traci Lords
  • David Berkowitz
  • Jared Aqua-pest
  • G Gordan Liddy
  • Whittaker Chambers
  • Henry Lee Lucas
  • James Earl Rey
  • Geraldo Riveria
  • Connie Chung
  • Abigail Williams

    IX- Coctytus- Compound Fraud: Treachery- Condemned to be frozen in ice
    i. Against Kin- Frozen to their shoulders
  • The Menendez Bros.
  • Lizzie Borden
  • Alberto Corlione
  • PETA
  • Walt Disney
  • Susan Smith
  • Shawn Fanning
  • Stan Lee
  • Pope Pius XII
  • Henry VIII of England
  • Victor Von Frankenstein
  • The Ramsey Family
  • Easy E
  • George IV of England
  • LaToya Jackson
  • Richard III of England
  • P Diddy
  • Pete Rose
  • God

    ii. Against Country- frozen to their necks
  • Richard Nixon
  • John Walker Lihnd
  • Rudolph Hess
  • Jefferson Davis
  • Jane Fonda
  • John Wilkes Booth
  • Edward VIII of England
  • Neville Chamberlin
  • Constantine of the Roman Empire
  • Benedict Arnold
  • The Rosenburgs
  • John Jay
  • John Adams
  • Ivan I of Russia
  • Clovis of the Franks
  • Lee Harvey Oswald
  • Timothy McVey
  • Josef Stalin
  • Louis XVII of France
  • Pol Pot
  • Greenpeace
  • Czar Nicholas II of Russia
  • Olver Cromwell
  • Aaron Burr

    iii. Against guests and hosts- frozen entirely
  • H.H. Holmes
  • The Cast of 'Clue'
  • Norman Bates
  • Dr. Frank-N-Furter
  • Park City, Ks
  • Willy Wonka
  • Albert Fish
  • William Martinez
  • E McCandless
  • Count Dracula
  • Lando Calrisian
  • Micheal Jackson
  • Macbeth

    iv. Against Benefactors and Beneficieries- Devoured by Lucifer Satanus
  • Linda Kasabian
  • Bob Camp
  • William H. Taft
  • Linda Tripp
  • Cypher (from the Matrix)
  • John C Calhoun
  • Enron
  • Charles VII of France
  • Henry II of England
  • Sammy "the bull" Gravano
  • Mark David Chapman
  • Linda Lovelace
  • MCI Worldcom
  • Jay Leno
  • The Silver Surfer
  • Jim Jones
  • David Wessling
  • All Narcs

    Final: Satanus- Judas- Brutus- Cassius


current mood: Minos
current music: Ladytron- Seventeen

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Thursday, July 10th, 2003
7:31 pm - The Soundtrack...
Blah... I dont think I write nearly enough. So much goes on, that I dont end up mentioning. Then I forget it. Doesnt leave much to show for my life. But anyway, here's whats going on so far.

Work has reached a state of comfortable normalcy. Go in at 10. Go home at 6:30. Have the rest of the night to myself. Got cable TV and cable net, which is nice. Gives me a chance to catch up on some of my favorite programs. Im not sure if I really like the new Ren and Stimpy. The voices dont sound right (even John K's Ren voice is a little off), and some of the plots are just too much, even for me (I cant say I like the idea of Ren and Stimpy being gay lovers...), but some of it I liked, like Ren going ape shit and beating Mr. Horse to a bloody pulp. Lol... Im surprised I am liking stripperella... the premise sounded so stupid (a stripper who just happens to be a crimefighter as well, uh huh...), but the writing itself I find somewhat clever and humerous,,, well, it kept me laughing anyway...

Still recovering from the backstabbery, Im sure Ill loose the bitterness in a few weeks...

I have this hankering to buy a copy of David Bowie's Earthling... Im not sure why... also some Queens of the Stoneage... Not really having much luck in finding an affordable good used copy...

Someone might have a crush on me. And this person is very cute and smart, which is just the icing on the cake. :) Time to walk the eggshells again. But I think I have enough experience to prolong screwing it up this time.

Im thinking of starting a livejournal and dual posting... maybe then I might get some coverage. Does anyone have a spare code to give me? I HATE paying for anything on the net that should be free...


CONTEST TIME! Review the archives and vote for your favorite entry, either it be out of sentimentality or quality. Something you loved? Something you loved to hate? Post your entries by replying to the message. And you dont even have to be a deadjournal person to do so! Just enter as ananomous(sp?), but if you like, you can still leave your name. Oh yeah! If you like, be sure to mention what you liked about it.


Well, at least its better than cramming this thing full of online personality tests... Something to generate audience participation and get them involved in the journal

Until we meet again

Dustin Prewitt

current music: Danny Elfman- Main Theme from Edward Scissorhands

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Thursday, June 12th, 2003
8:55 pm - Talk Show Host
Many people have accused spongebob squarepants of being gay. This is far from the truth. Spongebob is not gay. He's a nazi. Think about it. He's blond, has blue eyes, a flatop haircut, wears lederhosen every day with shirt/tie, and his arch-nemesis is a jewish octopus (being a stingy money-grubbing pessimest clarinet player)


There's your dose of humour. Now on to more serious matters...

Its official. The knife has been planted in the back. Im no longer a decision maker in the gothic community. Because I refurse to be the bitch of a hypocritical concieded transvestite. Not like Im the only one, just the last one. The last one to be thrown out. Now its all dead, all dust, all the hard work for naught. But I shall rise again. What I do I do for the greater glory of wichita and her people. I shall return. Ill tear down your discos, eat your heart away

Ill be born again...
Im someone else, Im someone new, Im so stupid just like you...

I had a serious depression attack last night. Because I was tired and there was nothing on TV. I was afraid of not having enough to kill time, and having too much to do and not enough time simultaniously. Which may not make much sense, but it is a terrifying thing to experience. I played alot of computer solitare. Deal. PLay. Loose. Deal. Play. Win. Deal. Play. Loose. Deal. Play. Loose. Deal. Deal Deal dEAL...
Kinda like life, yes? Perhaps its time for a zoloft adjustment...

Father's day is coming up, and Im not sure what to get dad...

Im getting hooked on the Jerry Springer show. Sure, it has your standard talk show freak parade, but what sets this one apart is its sense of humour, and how Jerry does not pass judgement, offer make-overs, but instead just stands aside more like a spectator, letting people settle their own business, often asking important questions or offering a disarming joke, then at the end of the day, putting it all in perspective thoughtfully, while at the same time without looking down on the participants.

Sometimes I feel like Jerry Springer, in the middle of giant conflicts of freaks, trying to keep things together and solve problems... but ultimately being reduced to the role of a spectator...

Until next time, please, take care of yourself, and take care of each other...

current music: Dredg- Same Ol Road

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Thursday, May 29th, 2003
4:12 pm - Flashback
When did writing become such a chore? I dont really look forward to doing it, it seems like such a waste of time and effort, but somehow I do. Its supposed to be thereputic or something. But lately, I think Ive reached a state where no amount of therepy will help me.


Ive been gaining too much weight. I need to excersise

Last week I attended the graduation of a friend, from my old high school. It made me think of how the time had flown. I had a project during my final months of a serialized journalistic account of my final days. I fell behind, vowing that I would finish it at a later date. But the months did pass, as did the years. Its now 3 years and its still not done, and I doubt it ever will be. Ah well....

I do miss the high school days. Simpler times, things were more reliable, I had a stable routine, nothing to stressful to worry about, and I had my rosebud (yes, its a citizen kane reference, and if you have been paying attention, you should know who rosebud is)

Work has been alot of stressful craming. But I did get my new phone. Its a handy-dandy motorola that takes pictures, emails, Instant messenges, etc. Its almost too much for me. I got all anxious, as in I shouldnt have this. Its too good for me. Its more than I need. Its too expensive. Once I get this, Ill have to close my old phone from cricket, and if I get fired, then Im shit out of luck.

All those that think I worry too much, say AYE

Im being betrayed by the city community of which Ive poured out so much effort into. I feel like Ive raised a malcontent spoiled disrespectful brat. Not a community anymore, more like a confederacy of strangers, bound together not out of want, or really need, more out of nothing else better to do. And I can no longer trust those who I was supposed to work with. One blinded by his own hang-ups about me, the other blinded by his misplaced loyalty to said one with hang-ups. Just what I need right now. A lack of trust. Is there anyone left who I can.

I hope so

current music: Orbital

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Thursday, May 15th, 2003
4:34 pm - Teetering Back and Forth...
... and it doesnt take much to tip me in either direction...

No wait... thats a lie. It takes more to tip me in a good direction

I almost got fired the other day. It seems like coming in work late 3 days in a row is wrong, especialy when the person is only aware of being late twice. Ah well... I suppose I got off lucky. But that just means I can never be late again. I NEED work. I hate needing work. Thus triggered another panic attack that didnt go away until a few hours after I had my zyprexia.

But at least I have a new co-worker friend person to help by giving me wake-up calls. Be thankful for that.

But I hate feeling this way. The mood swings... one moment fine, the next all vomit-feeling. I hope it will go away soon...

I was supposed to see the lunar eclipse tonight with my grandfather. Which is important, since the first eclipse I ever saw was with him when I was very young, and this probably would be the last one I ever will see with him. But its all cloudy out, so it looks like we wont be seeing anything. But that doesnt mean we cant go out to dinner tonight.

Its weird. I always feel uncomfortable around family members. Its like, Im never sure how Im supposed to act, like Im expected to be one thing or another, to feel one way or another... I dunno...

Wish I had a little help...

current music: Depeche Mode- Master and Servant

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Saturday, May 10th, 2003
8:00 pm - Learning to Live Again...
The medication is working. Instead of being panicky, now Im just anxious.

And its also killing my sexual desire. Just as well I suppose. Its been more of a hinderance than a help as of late.

Riverfest is back. Every year the kids gather in the park down by the river. But each year they get dirtier and dirtier. So do the cops. So do the drugs. I remember back when they didnt call the park "stoner hill" I remember back when respectable frequented the area. I remember when I would go there, in hopes that she would be there. I still do, in some ways. One of these years, I will be too old for this. I think this is the year to do it.

Monday I start my new job at T-Mobile, handling customer complaints. It will be good to have a reliable 9-5 job that pays me enough to live. But I dont think I want to be there for the rest of my life.

But I do not think I have any choice.

I am afraid. Which is why Im taking medication, duh.

I went graveyarding today with my grandfather and grandmother today. Which is good... this could be the last year that my grandfather does this. He is dieing.... and as bad as I feel for saying this, I just wish it was over... I hate the anxiety of prolonging the inevitible... but these things happen I suppose.

And when it does, who will be there for me, and who will be there for themselves?

Cynics should not be writers. All they do is depress people.

Just you try and stop me. Please.

And if came here looking for fun little test scores, they live at http://www.angelfire.com/ks/latveria/test.html

current music: Marilyn Manson- this is the NEW shit

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Sunday, April 27th, 2003
10:31 pm - Sorry Kids...
Sorry folks for the intruption. What you have just witnessed was Dustin when he hasnt had his zoloft.

Let me tell you about my week.

Last Friday, Steve and I went to kansas city (4 some-odd hours to the northeast of Wichita) to see Pigface, My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult, Zeromancer, and Bile. What was supposed to be a fun and enjoyable evening turned into a horror of panic, nausea, etc. What caused it? Was it the panic of getting sick for far from home? Was it the excitement of the day? Was it the stress of seeing individuals there whom I would rather not have? Was it my lunch? Was it the guilt of being betrayed by myself when I thought I had defeated this problem that has plauged me since February? I cannot say. Bottom line, I had to leave halfway through the show and sleep it off in the backseat of my car. I didnt want to deprive Steve of his night on my account. The following weekend wasnt much better.

This was after my doctor advised that I go off zoloft, but after the weekend I had, I decided to go back on it, one every other day.

Then something odd happened. I didnt feel like suicidal shit on the days that I took the blue fairy (Artificial Intellegence reference) pill.

Saturday, I went to see an opera of 'The Vampyr' at the local university, mostly as a sign of courage to see if I could go outside without being depressed/sick. No such luck. All through the show, all I could think about was suicide. I tried the old cliched excersizes of imagining all my bad thoughts into a ball and pushing it away, or as a liquid falling away. But it didnt work.

Im better today. The nervousness is there, but it doesnt make me all boiling-headed or nauseasus, like a sore thats stopped bleeding, but thats so obstrusive, its only a matter of time before it ruptures and bleeds again.

One of my panic attacks: I became so stressed out about have too many DVDs to watch, too many books to read, and too much music to listen to. Stupid isnt it? I think so too. I just wish my body agreed with me.

I hope Tracy still reads these things. Because now I know what she goes through somewhat. And I think I can understand now. But Im also more bitter, that she gave up so easily, and I cling so difficultly.


And to all those peace-protesters who said that war never solves anything, it sure solved the Iraq issue in a short amount of time, didnt it?

I hope this makes us feel better, and gives us a greater understanding of each other.

Im sorry kids...

current mood: scabs
current music: Dead Can Dance

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Sunday, April 20th, 2003
8:00 pm - Dustin Decays
Dustin decays
Life keeps slipping away
Every aquisition
Means one less reason to live for
Nothing can make me warm/happy anymore
All there is is this sickness
When others succumb to depression
All they get is sad
When I get depression
There is the fever
The headaches
The nausea
The anxiousness
The fatigue
That never dies
But I die forever
in my immortal death


Why does this always happen to me?

current mood: shameful depression
current music: Nirvana-Aneurysm

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Sunday, April 6th, 2003
1:53 am - Time Marches On...
Daylight savings is upon us. Is it really that time of year already? Seems like March never was really here. Not that Im really complaining, but I suppose I was just too busy to notice that it was there. I miss being un-busy enough to notice the simple and good things...

Zyprexia is having some interesting side effects. Thats all you need to know.

Pigface/Thrill Kill Kult is playing a show in KC this month. Its a long trip, but I think I need a vacation, a road trip, a weekend out of this city and emersed in something new.

I met a nice looking girl today at the checkout lane at best buy. I feel bad about not getting contact information, but well, she was a cashier, so Im sure there will be other chances. If she remembers me, then Ill go for it. If she does not, then I will not.

Some people use their online journals to post their latest personality tests. Others use it as a report of simple events. But there are the few and the proud that go a little further, who actualy write their feelings and reactions to the events of the day, who actualy SAY SOMETHING of value. Who have insights, who trigger emotions in people.

I consider myself among those few. But even I cant do it every entry. But I do try, I do try.

Blogging... sounds like what fat people do to toilets, doesnt it? But it is an apt term in most cases, yes?

Thoughts?

Todays trivia question: What is the irony of Andrew Jackson appearing on the $20 bill. Post your answer (or goofy guess) in the comments area

(Last entry's answer: Seraphim Shock)

current music: Alice in Chains- Would (from Unplugged)

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