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Thursday, July 13th, 2006
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3:43 pm - Header Entry
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I know, I know, I do not always post as I should here, but sadly, I really do not have much of an audience here it seems....
anyway, if you're curious, most of my postings are at http://www.livejournal.com/users/deathstar461 ... if you're a DJ user, and you wanna comment on something from LJ, just comment here with the date or subject of the LJ entry
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
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3:41 pm - Top 100 Albums
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Something Ive been playing around with in my anal spare time... Actualy, its far from complete, and I know Im probably going to be shifting these non-stop, but I figured I had to get a shareable version sometime, so here it is... for now anyway....
of my music collection, which are my top 100?
1. Marilyn Manson- Antichrist Superstar- 1996
2. Nine Inch Nails- The Downward Spiral- 1994
3. Polly Jean Harvey- Is This Desire?- 1998
4. Dead Can Dance- Within the Realm of a Dieing Sun- 1987
5. Portishead- PNYC- 1998
6. Garbage- Self Titled - 1995
7. Marilyn Manson- Holywood: In the Shadow of the Valley of Death- 2000
8. Nirvana- MTV Unplugged- 1994
9. Electric Hellfire Club- Burn Baby Burn- 1993
10. Elastica- Self Titled- 1995
11. Hole- Live Through This- 1994
12. Sisters of Mercy- Floodland- 1987
13. Smashing Pumpkins- Siamese Dream- 1993
14. Various Artists- The Crow- 1994
15. Marilyn Manson- Portrait of an American Family- 1994
16. Nine Inch Nails- Further Down the Spiral- 1995
17. Siouxsie and the Banshees- Peepshow- 1988
18. My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult- Confessions of the Knife…- 1990
19. Portishead- Dummy- 1994
20. Rasputina- Frustration Plantation- 2004
21. Dead Can Dance- The Serpent’s Egg- 1988
22. Atari Teenage Riot- 60 Second Wipe Out- 1999
23. Radiohead- Amnesiac- 2001
24. Sisters of Mercy- Some Girls Wander By Mistake- 1992
25. Ladytron- 604- 2001
26. Various Artists- Trainspotting- 1996
27. Nine Inch Nails- Broken/Fixed- 1992
28. Ministry- Psalms- 1992
29. Various Artists- The Crow: City of Angels- 1996
30. Veruca Salt- American Thighs- 1994
31. The Cure- Faith- 1981
32. The Offspring- Smash- 1994
33. Various Artists- Pi: Faith in Chaos- 1998
34. The Prodigy- Fat of the Land- 1997
35. L7- Bricks Are Heavy- 1992
36. Various Artists- Lost Highway- 1997
37. White Zombie- Astrocreep 2000- 1995
38. Primus- Tales From the Punchbowl- 1995
39. The Cranberries- Everyone Else Is Doing It, Why Cant We?- 1993
40. Nine Inch Nails- Pretty Hate Machine- 1989
41. Switchblade Symphony- Serpentine Gallery- 1995
42. Primus- Pork Soda- 1993
43. Rammstein- Sehnsucht- 1997
44. Siouxsie and the Banshees- Tinderbox- 1986
45. Sisters of Mercy- First and Last and Always- 1985
46. The Beastie Boys- Paul’s Boutique- 1989
47. The Cranberries- No Need to Argue- 1995
48. Laibach- NATO- 1994
49. Rasputina- How We Quit the Forest- 1998
50. Smashing Pumpkins- Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness- 1995
51. KMFDM- Nihil- 1995
52. Nirvana- Bleach- 1989
53. Einsturzende Neubauten- Ende Neu- 1996
54. Black Sabbath- The Best of Black Sabbath- 2000
55. Ministry- Houses of Mole’- 2004
56. Underworld- Second Toughest in the Infants- 1996
57. Einsturzende Neubauten- Haus Der Luge- 1989
58. The Creatures- Anima Animus- 1999
59. Radiohead- The Bends- 1995
60. Dead Can Dance- Spleen and Ideal- 1985
61. Nirvana- Pay to Play- 1995
62. The Doors- Self Titled- 1967
63. The Reverend Horton Heat- Liquor in the Front- 1994
64. Buckethead- Monsters and Robots- 1999
65. Soundgarden- Superunknown- 1994
66. Gabage- Version 2.0- 1998
67. Depeche Mode- Music for the Masses- 1987
68. Rammstien- Reise Reise- 2004
69. Bush- 16 Stone- 1994
70. Stone Temple Piolts- Core- 1992
71. KMFDM- Angst- 1993
72. Bauhaus- Crackle- 1998
73. The Stooges- Funhouse- 1970
74. Depeche Mode- Violator- 1990
75. Laibach- Nova Akropola- 1986
76. Type O Negative- Bloody Kisses- 1993
77. Rammstein- Herzeleid- 1995
78. Marilyn Manson- Mechanical Animals- 1998
79. VNV Nation- Praise the Fallen- 1999
80. Chemlab- East Side Militia- 1996
81. Buckethead- Giant Robot- 1994
82. Polly Jean Harvey- Rid Of Me- 1993
83. Weezer- Self Titled (Blue)- 1994
84. Gary Numan- The Pleasure Principle- 1979
85. Ministry- The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste- 1989
86. The Velvet Underground- Peel Slowly and See- 1967
87. Einsturzende Neubauten- Silence is Sexy- 2000
88. Tom Waits- Bone Machine- 1992
89. Hole- Pretty on the Inside- 1991
90. Switchblade Symphony- Bread and Jam for Francis- 1997
91. Gravity Kills- Self Titled- 1996
92. Cradle of Filth- Cruelty and the Beast- 1998
93. Tool- Aenema- 1996
94. Laibach- Opus Dei
95. Skinny Puppy- 12 Inch Anthology- 1990
96. Iggy Pop- Lust for Life- 1977
97. KMFDM- Symbols- 1997
98. Silverchair- Frogstomp- 1995
99. Alice in Chains- Dirt- 1992
100. Foo Fighters-Self Titled- 1995
Now keep in mind, its not so much quality as it is personal favorites (based on, my tastes, quality, and of course sentiment)....
Now here's a fun little meme... bold the ones you own, or you would include on your personal 100 list, or just ask my why the hell some of these things are on here, or ask me whats missing... I might just tell you...
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 16th, 2004
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9:49 pm - More Picks
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Listening: With the Lights Out- Nirvana
Softcore Jukebox- Ladytron
Blah Blah Blah- Iggy Pop
Watching:
Drawn Together
Beavis and Butthead
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends
The Richard Pryor Show
Home Movies
Serial Mom
Reading:
Wolverine by Mark Millar
Uncanny X-Men by Chris Claremont (current run)
Hellboy: The Chained Coffin and Other Stories by Mike Mignola
Dropsie Avenue by Will Eisner
Swamp Thing: Love and Death by Alan Moore
Bloom County Babylon by Berke Breathed
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, November 4th, 2004
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11:04 pm - Albums of Years Past...
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| Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
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10:57 pm - Playlist
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Halloween At Memento Mori- the game Wichita Ks
Juno Reactor- High Energy Protons
Laibach- Tanz Mit Laibach
Gravity Kills- Guilty
Electric Hellfire Club- Prince of Darkness (Blackest Version)
Bigod 20- Like A Prayer
Black Sabbath- Supernaut
My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult- X-Communication
Chemlab- Suicide Jag
Curve- Missing Link
Garbage- Girl Dont Come
The Damned- The Shadow of Love
Electric Hellfire Club- Theme from John Carpenter's Halloween
Sisters of Mercy- Alice
Siouxsie and the Banshees- Spellbound
The Cure- A Walk
Electric Hellfire Club- Devil Worshiping Son of a Bitch
Marilyn Manson and the Spooky Kids- Big Mother
Marilyn Manson- Inside My Head(Smells Like Children) (live)
Pet Shop Boys- Boys and Girls (live)
Rob Zombie- How to Make a Monster (god lives underwater remix)
Wumpscut- Dr. Thodt
Electric Hellfire Club- Jack the Knife
current music: Buckethead- Flawless Victory
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, October 15th, 2004
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9:02 pm - Another List...
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My favorite Live Albums..
1. Portishead- Live NYC
2. Marilyn Manson- The Last Tour On Earth
3. Frontline Assembly- Live Wired
4. Siouxsie and the Banshees- Nocturne
5. Primus- Suck On This
6. Ministry- In Case You Didnt Feel Like Showing Up
7. Rammstein- Live Aus Berlin
8. Laibach- MB 21 December 1984
9. Laibach- NATO Occupied Europe 1995
10. Siouxsie and the Banshees- Seven Year Itch
11. Various- Woodstock 1994
current music: Excessive Force- Blitzkreig
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| Saturday, October 9th, 2004
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11:05 pm - More Reviews!
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Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends- has that coolest feel of 70s style weirdness, imagry like a cross between the partridge family, or maybe 1970s family fued/Mamma's Family, mixed in with Sid and Marty Krofft... besides, any "kid" cartoon show that can sneak in a Frankie Goes to Hollywood joke is OK in my book...
The Powerpuff Girls- I cant believe that its been so long since Ive checking this show out... Its gotten sooo weird since Ive seen it last, and with so many more in-jokes....
Justice League Unlimited- Ambitious? Yes. Overkill? Maybe. While it is cool to see all the DC characters animated, it does seem to feel a tad watered down at times... Lol, and I love Jeffry Combs as the voice of The Question, playing him off as a sociopathic paranoid conspiracy theorist obcessed with the backstreet boys' connections with the pentagon's interests in the Wal-Mart chain... Something tells me that they're pouring everything they have into a last ditch pull out all the stops effort to revitilize the franchise... and it isnt too bad...
The Wall- Maybe a tad more pretentious and abstract than it needed to be, and often times the songs didnt sound like they were sung with the right emotion (Pink Floyd is as scary and threatening as a braindead hippi)- Ah, yes, and it is hard to take seriously a facist dictator named Pink, and who looks and sounds like Gary Numan.,..
The Passion- The only way that this movie could be more anti-semetic is if it was produced by Henry Ford and directed by Josef Goebbels.
Married with Children season 1- Definitly ahead of its time, but looking back, now by today's standards (as well as knowing how the show is going to evolve)- it seems to be somewhat lacking... it does has its great parts as well as its depressed, regined dark wit, but clearly shows that it has yet to find its footing in the first season...
The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire- Having a show that I used to watch after middle school on Nick-At-Nite, a program that I can still remember airing Mr. Ed, Donna Reed, Laughin, and Dobie Gillis reruns, makes me feel kinda old... Lol, but have I ever missed that show... Well written, great comedy+comedic timing, wonderful acting as well as characters, and also managed to superbly pull off the Fish out of water premise humour- hiphop urban vs. high class wealth without lowering itself by resorting to lowbrow race card humour (like 'Method and Red')... wonderful color nearsighted comedy everyone can enjoy...
You Are Here by Kyle Baker- proof that he actualy IS capable of crafting an organized story- his Don Bluth-ish cartoony style still takes some getting used to (or at least getting used to it being used in a serious-ish setting)- the character foiling and frantic comedy is well done, and it has one of those great endings that is unexpected, but at the same time, is not anti-climatic.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban- It does seem to lack the luster that the 1st 2 movies had, and does seem to be getting a tad stale (you'd figure that Potter would be used to living in constant fear of his life)- the best part is that the ending definitly throws one for a loop- maybe a little anti-climatic, but Id rather it be an anti-climatic surprise than an obvious cliche that I would have already figured out from the begining (which the movie was almost in danger of being...)
Taxi Driver- Highly complex movie- great example of what lonliness and isolation can do to an individual- how without love, understanding, forgiveness, and without purpose, bitterness, hate, and wrath can fester and consume unchecked.
Desire hurts, trying to fullfill desire is scary, rejection kills, and being blown off as a sociopath hurts the most, like a malicious stab in the back. Hurt, wounded, and not quite knowing how to deal with his feelings, he turns his bitterness outward, to an evil society, scum, wretches, hypocrites, etc. And the congressman... he who IS the people, seems to e the likely (illogical, but still most likely) embodyment of his enemy, until the driver has a change to meet true evil, taking advantage of true innocense (as opposed to his innosence being betrayed, or actualy, his innosence betraying someone else), and finaly knowing what the real problem of society is, who the real enemy is, and ultimately ends up doing the right thing (or at least the better of two evils, depending on your perspective), and in the end, he comes out the hero, and is even forgiven for his previous transgressions... As he puts the finger to his head and pulls the imaginary trigger, he symbollicaly kills the demon inside, exorcising the bitterness, knowing that he finaly helped someone, and can finaly now come out of his shell.
Oribiter by Warren Ellis- Great SciFi mystery, but seems a little short for a hard cover graphic novel... seems a little incomplete- it would have nice to read on about what was found in outer space, the travels of the ship, etc... But I can also see why it was left out, or better to say, left to the imagination of the reader... it does leave room for a sequal though...
Global Frequency by Warren Ellis- the perfect comic to port to a TV series... as if it were specificaly design for a series of one hour stand alone television shows... and of course, with Warren Ellis' trademark morbid creativity...
current music: Marilyn Manson- Organ Grinder (live)
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| Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
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8:41 pm - 9 Things...
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Inspried by The List of 9
Rock Rap Duets:
1. Public Enemy + Anthrax- Bring Da Noize
2. System of a Down + Wu Tang Clan- Shame on a Niggah
3. Onyx + Biohazard- Judgement Night
4. Busta Rhymes + Ozzy Osbourne- This Means War
5. RUN DMC + Aerosmith- Walk This Way (the one that started it all)
6. Marilyn Manson + DMX- The Omen
7. Ice T + Body Count- Cop Killah
8. Ministry- Test
9. Frontline Assembly- Vicitm of a Criminal
10. Laibach- Message From the Black Star
11. Gorillaz- Clint Eastwood
current music: Marilyn Manson- New Model no. 15
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, August 6th, 2004
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10:47 pm - Quick Hits....
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Here are some quick picks, to prove that Im still dead...
Spider-Man 2- not your typical blockbuster- this movie was AWESOME- great job protraying Parker as the lovable looser, Peter Parker just cant win... And Sure, Doc Ock was a little hokey at times, but the character still had depth... and the ending was GREAT.... definitly one of the best/most fun films of the year
Coffee and Cigarettes- It was great to see Tom Waits pull a joe pesci-from-goodfellas type thing on Iggy Pop, Cate Blanchett satire herself, Alfred Molina portray himself as an obcessive stalker, and Bill Murray hang with the Wu-Tang Clan members...
Ministry- Houses of Mole'- Best album since Psalms- hits hard and fast and doesnt let up for a second.
The Cure- ST- one of their darker/angrier albums... not really as memorable as their earlier works still
PJ Harvey- Uh Huh Her- goes back to the 'Dry' style
Walt Siminson's Thor
The Ultimates by Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch- where else can you read captain america yelling "Surrender?!?! YOU THINK THIS 'A' ON MY FOREHEAD STANDS FOR FRANCE?!??!?!!?"
The Battleship Potemkin- Definitly one of the greatest films of all time- even if it is total propaganda
Hazard County Girls- Reminds me of everything great about Babes in Toyland, Hole's Pretty on the Inside, and early L7
hm.... I think thats all for now. Any Questions?
current music: The Cramps- Fever
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| Saturday, June 19th, 2004
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2:58 pm - Albums for the Year...
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Im sorry I havnt posted anything here in a while... it just seems all my audience is at livejournal...
But anyway, 2004 is shaping up to be quite the year for new Music... This is what we Have so far...
Seraphim Shock- Halloween Sex and Vegas
Chemlab- Oxidizer
Alien Sex Fiend- Information Overload
Frontline Assembly- Civilization
Einsturzende Neubauten- Perpetuum Mobile
Rasputina- Frustration Plantation
The Spooky Kids- Lunchboxes and Choklit Cows
PJ Harvey- Uh Huh Her
Ministry- Houses of Mole'
Skinny Puppy
Beastie Boys
Pig Symphony
Bella Morte
and here is whats coming up...
Kittie- This July
Nine Inch Nails- Burn Through- This fall
Marilyn Manson- Best of Collection+DVD- this fall/winter
Rammstein- This Fall
The Cure- Self Titled- this summer
Raymond Watts- This Summer
Les Claypool's Bucket of Bootsie Brains- This september
Juno Reactor- this fall
Pretty Cool, eh?
Anything I missed?
current music: Daft Punk- Da Funk
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| Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
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11:35 pm - Instructions
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Read- Im still reading Atlas Shrugged by Ann Ryand- But books where I actualy have to analyze are hard to read at work and when you only have minimal spare time. For those minimal periods, Im reading Shade the Changing Man by Peter Milligan, and Ultimate Spider-Man vol. 3 by Brian Michael Bendis. Shade sometimes gets a little too weird, and the issues after Chris Bachalo left are not quite as good, but its still a wild ride. Ultimate Spider-Man I still have mixed feelings about. Brian Michael Bendis stretches himself too thin, what with writing something like 14 books a month, and his writing style is almost too recognizable. And he writes peter parker too young, too naive, too angsty. Plus, Im a bit too much of a traditionalist to really get too into the hippper, more modern version of the spidey-mythos. but its still an entertaining read none the less... its still kinda fun to see Bendis' interpetation of the characters, even if it doesnt sit well with me.
Listening- 604 by Ladytron... kinda reminds me what I liked about Elastica: bouncy fun sexy femm britpop. And Oxidizer by Chemlab. Uses alot of elements from East Side Militia, without being too deritive...
Watching- I just finished watching American Splendor- its an interesting biography/documentary about Harvey Pekar, his humble beginings, his humble life, his time on Dave Letterman, his cancer year, etc. Its weird, but his comic writing style is how Ive been wanting to write ever since high school. Now I feel like such a rip off. But none the less, its nice to have something to identify with.
Im also watching sliders every morning before I go to work. Another one of those shows I was really into back when I was in middle school, but drifted away after I went to high school. Although its starting to enter into the season where it starting going into a 'to be continued' ongoing style episodes. I must say that I prefered it when it was just self-contained weird parrell worlds and character study instead of action/suspense. But I think it still has its charms...
there you go. never say I never write in here anymore.
For other news, visit http://www.livejournal.com/users/deathstar461
and what do YOU think?
current music: Cradle of Filth- Funeral in Carpathia
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, February 20th, 2004
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11:36 pm - Hymns to St. Valentine...
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Marilyn Manson- Valentines Day
The Love Song
User Friendly
Para-Noir
Spade
Dead to Wolrd
Sweet tooth
spell on you
PJ Harvey- Taught
Is that all there is
Oh my lover
To Bring you my love
One line
Come On Billy
Sisters of Mercy- Heartland
Depeche Mode- No Good
little 15
everything counts
ministry- the nature of love
revenge
angel
london after midnight- spider and fly
smashing pumpkkins- love
cupid de locke
stand inside your love
33
Thru the eyes of ruby
the damned- the shadow of love
love song
siouxsie and the banshees- forever
staring
trust in me
sea brezes
tearing apart
PIL- this is not a love song
Electric Hellfire Club- servants of evol
epitaph
Incubus
bitchcraft
Love is the law
calling dr luv
Light My Fire
Rush Rush
My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult- The Days of Swine and Roses
NiN- repitle
get down and make love
santcified
Vanilla Ice- Cause I Love you
Laibach- War Poem
Steel Trust
Wjoeck Killar- Bram Stoker's Dracula score
Cripin Glover- ben
The Cure- the drowning man
pictures of you
friday Im in love
Rasputina- tourniquet
hole- mrs jones
nirvana- heart shaped box
drain you
about a girl
babes toyland- handsome gretle
radio iodine- go ahead
wumpscut- torn skin
christfuck
VNV Nation- forsaken
Kathys song (Victoria Mix)
switchblade symphony- invisible
bjork- I miss you
ozzy osbourne- no more tears
Just want you
Sow- manripe
jo the lover
bauhaus- look away
type o negative- love you to death,
sets me on fire
garbage- Till the day I day
My lovers box
cant seem to make you mine
#1 Crush
cant cry these tears
Driving Lesson
Robert Plant- Dont Go
Current 93- Gothic Love song
jack off jill- rabbiteen
Seraphim Shock- little gothic
some sick dream
shadow realm
Frontline Assembly- Justify my love
Joy Division- love will tear us apart
elastica- car song
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
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10:29 pm - Your Recomendations...
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Reading: Atlas Shrugged by Ann Rynd
Watching: Sliders, Underworld, and Willard by Crispen Glover
Listening: Self Titled by the Stooges, The Best of So Far by Public Image Ltd, and the Eurthymics' Greatest Hits
Thoughts? Suggestions?
current music: The Cure- A Walk
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, January 9th, 2004
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10:26 pm - Recomendations
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Read- American Splendor v.1 by Harvey Pekar and Our Dumb Century by The Onion
Watch- Bad Santa by Terry Zweigoff and Big Fish by Tim Burton
Listen- Vapor Transmissions by Orgy and Self titled by Deftones
current music: Velvet Acid Christ- Fun with Drugs
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, November 26th, 2003
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3:02 pm - Playlist...
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Royal Too- 26 November 03, 21:00-2:00
*=Request
We start out angry
1. Inaugeration of the Mechanical Christ (live)- Marilyn Manson
2. South of Heaven- Electric Hellfire Club
3. The Forst Whispers My Name (II)- Cradle of Filth
4. Cake and Sodomy- Marilyn Manson
5. Mouth Full of Poison- Kittie
6. Dead God- Tim Skold
7. Sick to Death- Atari Teenage Riot
8. Johnny Royale- Beastie Boys
9. Straight out of Compton- NWA
10. This is The New Shit- Marilyn Manson
11. Haus Der Luge (Live)- Einsturzende Neubauten
12. Gas Chamber- L7
13. Another World- Leaetherstrip
14. Drown Soda (Live)- Hole
15. The Insidious Soliquy of Dr. Mr. Mrs. Prof. Skullhedface- GWAR
16. New Skin- Siouxsie and the Banshees
17. King Kill 33- Marilyn Manson
18. What About Us?- Ministry
19. Skurk- KMFDM
20. Your Uniform Does Not Impress Me- Atari Teenage Riot
Now Things Begin to Mellow Out and Calm Down
21. Kathy's Song (Victoria Mix)- Apoptygma Berzerk vs. VNV Nation
22. Great Big White World- Maya Hyaena
23. Weak and Powerless- A Perfect Circle
24. Rolling Stones- Gimme Shelter*
25. The Raveonettes- Veronica Fever
26. Seven Nation Army- White Stripes
27. Dead Souls- Joy Division
28. Spider and the Fly- London After Midnight
29. Eclipse- Kirlian Camera
30. High Energy Protons- Juno Reactor
31. Deliverance- Wumpscut
32. Return (Coming Home)- Cruxshadows
Then Came the Intermission
33. Shut Your Fucking Face Uncle Fucker- Terrance and Phillip*
34. Istanbul not Constantinople- They Might be Giants*
35. Particle Man- They Might be Giants*
36. Happy Happy, Joy Joy- Stinky Whizzleteets*
And now we wind down for the final stretch
37. Steel Trust- Laibach/Germania
38. The Whores Hustle and the Hustlers Whore- PJ Harvey
39. Lightning- The Wake
40. Submission- Nocturne
41. Metal- Nine Inch Nails
42. I Miss You- Bjork
43. User Friendly- Marilyn Manson
44. Torn Skin- Wumpscut*
45. All In My Head- Radio Iodine
46. Rat Finks, Suicide Tanks and Cannible Girls- White Zombie
47. Little Gothic- Seraphim Shock
48. Fear (Of the Unknown remix)- Siouxsie and the Banshees
49. Procession- VNV Nation*
50. Climbatize- Prodigy
51. Sweet Dreams- Miss Kittin
52. Fall From Grace- Electric Hellfire Club
53. Red Light- Siouxsie and the Banshees
54. Havana Leid- Miranda Sex Garden
55. Monsters- Cruxshadows*
56. Those Damned Blue Collar Tweekers- Primus
57. Just Like Me- Emenim
58. Liar- Rollins
60. Powerhouse- Raymond Scott
I was originaly expecting it to be a cover themed night, so I did bring some cover stuff. But since that fell through, it did leave me free to put some other stuff in there. But if you look closely, you can still see the covers. Can you spot them all?
current music: David Bowie- Outside
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
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8:50 pm - Your instructions for the Period:
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Because Im too lazy to cross update, as well as update my page by writing HTML text, I thought I would do something different here:
What I am reading, listening to, wathcing, and etc.
For 22 Novemebr 2003:
Read: Supreme: The Story of the Year by Alan Moore
Listen: Outside by David Bowie, Failue by Assembledge 23
Watch: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine season 6,The Ultimate Video GWARchive
Dont listen: Group Therepy by Dope
Dont Watch: Matrix Revolutions, The Cat and the Hat (as if The Grinch didnt make the good doctor spin enough in his grace...
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, October 27th, 2003
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2:05 am - Nightfall
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Dusk. The sun is setting. The day is over, and now the night is here.
Now comes the time for darkness. Now comes the time of cold.
NOW COMES THE TIME OF THE WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT.
I wish I could hibernate...
The clocks have rolled back, and now it is nighttime. Where life becomes coldest. When we become our most vulnerable... Im worried about how many people will make it through alive this year...
But there is one thing about nights that must not be forgotten. At night, on a clear evening... You can see the stars, you can see the city lights, and when the streets are empty, you can enjoy and apprecciate the sounds of a silent city...
It can be beautiful, if you can take the time to appreciate it...
It is now nightfall. Tuck yourself in with someone close to you to keep warm, sleep tight, see you next spring...
Its time to awaken the nocturnal creatures, the creatures of the night...
Comment in Livejournal
current music: Tom Waits- November/Depeche Mode- Waiting for the Night
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
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10:38 pm - Greg Baum is Dead.
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My mother's brother. Dead at 42. More shocking than saddening I suppose. I never really was that close to him (then again, I am not really close with any members of my family.) Just shocking. My aunt found him dead in bed. dead. bed. that rhymes... Cause of death has not yet been determined. All signs point to bloodclot.
That is how another uncle (great-uncle) died back in c. 1984. Both were in the real estate business. Then my great-grandmother died in c. 1986. I am afraid now that my grandparents will die. Them I am closer to, and they both seem to be on death's door.
Its just shocking.
Survied by my aunt who is wheelchair bound due to a mystery illness, my cousins 22, who's been the closest thing to a brother to me (as close as brother's come by my standards anyway), 20, 17, and 12. TWELVE. Can you imagine loosing your father at age TWELVE? Then there is my grandmother, who has never been the most stable of sorts (my mom takes after her you can say...). My uncle has been attending to her bills, and to my grandfather's old property (real estate in the slums, or in the vernacular, a slumlord). But now he's dead, and a giant hole as been left.
I wasnt that close to him at all. But I still feel that giant gap. He was still close family And the shock, of it happening so suddenly. I never saw it coming...
At their house, it was very uncomfortable. A familiar setting, true. But most of the people there were from my aunt's family (a large catholic one at that.) Strangers all. It was like being at a giant party, filled with strangers, but having the guest of honour not show up. At first, people were going on, talking, sharing laughs, etc. And my aunt, alone in her room, crying etc. On one hand, it didnt seem right, people being happy with the loss. But then, it made sense. What better way to drown out the sorrow of loss, than being surrounded by love and loved ones in a time of need?
I begin to wonder about my dad. He is well, but not in the most perfect of health. I am afraid to admit, but I am afraid of loosing him... And my grandfather too... He has been very ill lately as well... One of my closer relatives... he seems to have understood and appreciated how suppressed my childhood was by my mother... etc...
I am afraid... I think my fear of familiar death results from early experiences. When my great-grandmother died, I was 7 or so. The reletives blamed me and the rest of the kids, for running around the house or etc... When I was 13 or so, my other great grandmother dies. I (individuly) was blamed... by my mother. I remember sitting on the bed crying, while she was standing there shouting at me, yelling that if I was there to do more chores around the house, her aorta would never have ruptured... Then there was my grandfather's (my dad's father) death. The wake was so horrible I do not want to recall it on a public forum...
But I suppose I shouldnt be too worried... they'll be hard pressed to pin the blame of this one on me...
I'm hurting... but its more the shock I guess... I do not know if I deserve to state its hurting do to the loss, only the shock of the loss... I do not know...
But I do know this... I am expecting a total lack of support. I should be used to it I suppose, I cannot say that I ever really had it in the past (or if I had, I had been regrettably and shamefuly ignorant of it). Maybe I am too paranoid to let people get closer than arms length... But then again, knowing me, would you WANT to get closer than arms length to me? But then again, Ive learned (the hard way) that it is illegal to issue the invitation. After all, its all lies anyway, everything I do, say, or feel...
Call me asshole, call me liar, call me trouble-maker, bullshit and slander all you want. Spread your goddamned mother fucking feces that fills your life with a pathetic meaning, you fucking cunt. But do it some other day. I dont want to hear it. I have grown-up matters to attend to, and you are not a grown-up matter, or even a grown up for that matter. You are a hobby.
My uncle is dead. And I feel guilty that I did not have a relationship with him. And I do not even know why I did not have one, or even why I feel like I should have had one...
If I needed to tell you my current mood, then I wouldnt be a very good writer, would I?
current music: Siouxsie and the Banshees- Sea of Light
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| Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
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9:44 pm - Onward and Upward
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I might be wrong, but I think I may be starting to enjoy work...
The other day, the powers that be decided to take me off the phones early and do floor support for all the bright new trainees. It was nice having not only a sense of power and control, but also to know that I was helping someone feel less overwhelmed on their first days of being bitched at over the phone...
People have always said that I would make a good teacher, which I cannot say that I entirely agree with... I am far too lacking in patience to teach any group anything... but I certainly do not mind one-on-one sessions with people... I suppose thats why Im so interested in librarianship... I do not have to teach anyone, but at least I can provide a gateway to learning for the general public, point them in the right direction, and let them learn for themselves...
The powers that be have also implied that I may be eligible for a promotion to workforce management, which means that I get to sit in a dark office all day, watch stats, and determine how many people we need to work during certain times of the day, etc. Not only would I not have to talk to idiots over phones, but also it would give me pleanty of number and math scenarios to keep my mind sharp. And mostly certainly, I can assume that it would pay better... Oh joy...
I stoped by the library the other day. I still miss the place, actualy. Ive been considering going back, but there is somewhat of a sour history in one or two incidences there. Who knows... maybe its been long enough. But then again, Im not sure if I could work for the same flaming pervert again... But still also, my body may be at T-Mobile, but my heart remains at the Wichita Public Library. They have positions there available too, but also, almost everyone I knew there is gone. All the people I liked have left, and most of the people I disliked are still there. But that for another time, another place I suppose...
lol.. and if Im going to become a pariah because Im the only person in this city who has the guts to stand up for himself and not let himself be pushed around and stabbed in the back, then it is Wichita that is going to loose my respect far before Wichita looses its respect for me...
I love my city... its just the people and the autocrats who run it I hate...
Dont Believe the Hype...
I found a pleasant surprise today in the used CD shops... White Stripe's Elephant and Apocalyptica's Inquisition Symphony. Ive been looking for those CDs FOREVER for a used price (Im avoiding buying used due to my oppostion of the RIAA)
Listen to Seven Nation Army. See if you can spot the irony in the song. Pay attention, there will be a test on this...
"Im not a real asshole, I just play one on TV"
current music: Curve- Missing Link
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| Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
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11:10 pm - The Fall(en) : Fall Rhythem
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I just knew there was a reason why I prefered spring over the fall...
No it wasnt due to the anticipation of summer. Its due to my annual sinus congestion that I suffer every year at about this time. But it was merciful this year. Normaly, it lasts for about a week or longer. This year, only 4 days. Credit that to having a new place to stay and a humidifier.
If I could be addictied to any OTC medication, I think it would be NyQuill. I tried a swig to help me get to sleep a few nights ago (which is NOT easy when you cant breath and have 150 psi in your head). Went out like a light, slept better than I have in YEARS, and woke up light-headed but well-rested. Ill have to get sick more often...
Lol... What was the name of that villian in 1984 that was invented to give an advasary to big brother? The reason why everything was going wrong with Oceaniana? The one who was implicated everytime they caught a spy? The person who really didnt exist? The general scapegoat who was always trying to cause the downfall of an already ruined society?
Next thing you know, they'll be saying that I killed Bambi's mother. That I was the one who stabbed Julius in the back. That Im the one who kissed Jesus. That Im the one who shot JR. That Im the one who planned the hijackings...
"When you ride alone, you ride with Bin Laden"
Fall is a time for music... Every season has its soundtrack. Here's mine for fall:
DJ Shadow- Entroducing...
Cradle of Filth- Cruelty and the Beast
Ministry- Twitch
The Creatures- Boomerang
Siouxsie and the Banshees- JuJu
Laibach- NATO
Electric Hellfire Club- Burn Baby Burn
Sisters of Mercy- 1st and last and always
Buckethead- Giant Robot
Hole- Live Through This
KMFDM- Angst
Type O Negative- Bloody Kisses
Depeche Mode- For the Masses
Einsturzende Neubauten- Ende Neu
Bella Morte- Where Shadows Lie
Delerium- Karma
Hole- Pretty on the Inside
Ministry- Filth Pig
My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult- I see Good Spirits, I See Bad Spirits
Trainspotting vol. 2
Siouxsie and the Banshees- Twice Upon a Time
Portishead- Live in Roseland NYC
Any Suggestions or items I forgot to mention?
current mood: Leon Trotsky
current music: Nine Inch Nails- Eraser (Polite)
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